Friday, 8 May 2015

Can You Repair Your Marriage?



When we got back together seven years ago after a twelve month separation, most people rolled their eyes. It is funny how so many people are really disappointed to see you try again and believe that once separated there is absolutely no going back. 'People' can be very negative and convincing, insisting that far too much water has passed under your bridge for you to ever be happy together again. What a crock of s***e I say! 

As a strong believer in constantly moving forward with your life and rarely looking back unless it is to smile over old memories, I can honestly tell you that you can sometimes step back in order to move forward again. Absolutely! Of course, I'm not including any abusive relationship here, get out of those and stay out! I mean the type of relationship where you were once a good team and madly in love. Something happened like an affair, a fight or plain old boredom set in and you feel like it is time to move on. Personally for me, it was a whole mixture of things.


When we first met as teenagers we were both very different, he was quiet, a bit unsociable and wanted nothing more than to settle down with a comfy pair of slippers and to read the paper in front of a cosy fire. I was the opposite. Wild, bold and wanting to party. I did settle down and I thrived on motherhood, we became a good team and were rarely apart. 'People' often interfered and told us that our relationship wasn't healthy because we spent way too much time together. That always baffled me because it felt like the most natural thing in the world to be together all the time, but those negative comments start to sow small seeds and before you know it, you start to believe those voices and resentments begin to creep in through any tiny crack they can find. 

Those tiny cracks then become huge massive potholes and all sorts of rubbish then manages to find it's way in, leaving you feeling like the only way to fix it is to abandon ship. Sometimes a break is needed. A step back to repair the damage and to figure out the issues at the root of the problem can be a great marriage healer. Your break up was painful and the anger was raw, but those feelings do start to fade as you begin to start working on building a new friendship with your spouse. The break up can be a fresh line in the sand, as you work on forgiveness both sides then become smooth, clean and fresh. Resentments begin to disappear and you start to like each other again, even falling in love all over again. 

For me, I realised that I missed being married. I missed the companionship, the familiarity, the little things he used to do for me, the way he loved me, adored me. All those things that I had started to resent, I started to miss. I realised that I'm not so perfect and that I needed to work on a few things, it wasn't all him. Thankfully, we had suddenly found ourselves on the same page.


The route to repairing your marriage takes effort from both sides, Old hurts can not be mentioned again and constantly reminding yourself that you are now in a new relationship helps with the recovery process. Recognise that changes need to be made on both sides, never just one. Ask each other what you need to be happy then work on making those things happen for your partner. It is not easy, but it is so worth it if both are willing to try. 

21 comments:

  1. In any relationship, what matters is the thoughts and feelings of the two people involved, and no one else! We all live and learn, and mistakes can be rectified and marriages can be repaired, as you have proved. Never mind the people... xx

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  2. What a great post, you are so right.It sometimes needs distance to create objective analysis and you need a break to refocus. Absence CAN make the heart grow stronger!

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  3. I think this is such an important, well-written, moving post. I'm so glad you repaired your marriage and wish and hope that others can see this and know that they can do the same.

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  4. That's lovely to hear about how you sorted things out. I can really relate to this. Nice if it can happen and I agree people can be so negative.

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  5. I think the key to a happy marriage is a bit of give and take and a lot of love and affection.

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  6. What a great post - marriage really does take effort and sometimes some space is needed to make you realise what you really want x x

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  7. What a lovely post - so nice to hear you managed to sort it all out and that things can get better.

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  8. It's great that you managed to work things out together and move forward with your marriage. Well done for being so frank about it.

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  9. I think that it takes a lot to work on a marriage. I believe that you have to keep working on it. I know that I couldn't cope with an affair, but my marriage is worth the work

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  10. It really does take a lot of effort on both parts and sometimes you can drift away and all you need is a little break and time to breathe and you can reconnect and make things work again. Glad to see you have worked it out together :)

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  11. What a lovely post. Marriage can be hard but worth the time and effort usually

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  12. This is such a lovely, well written post. I'm so glad you found each other again and things worked out :) xx

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  13. I'm immensely impressed that you worked so hard to make a go of it. A lot of marriages could take a leaf out of your book. :-)

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  14. We went through a dreadful rocky patch but worked hard to put things right - it's so important to talk

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  15. What a well written post - glad you found each other again.

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  16. You know x you're wonderful I love this post

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  17. I think this is such a great post and really inspiring. There is no fixed path for everyone and that's the most important thing for people to remember. I'm really pleased it's worked out for you.

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  18. what a lovely tale and I hope that you continue to be as happy.

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  19. I think it is wonderful that you found a way back to each other.

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