It's been nearly seven years since I last spoke to you. The yearning I feel to pick up that phone and dial your number is so overwhelming, that sometimes I can't stop the tears from falling. I try Mum, I try so hard not to get upset but nothing stops the ache I feel to speak to you.
People said it would get easier in time, that the pain of missing you would lessen, and it does. I no longer burst into tears every time I talk about you. I can now remember you rather than just miss you. So, yes I guess it has got easier.
I have so many things to tell you Mum. The kids are all growing up so fast, I think you would struggle to recognise them. Your Great Granddaughter is such a joy, you would love her so much, and she has got so big. You would feel so proud of them all. Papa Syder is still by my side, I know you are pleased to hear that. You always did have a soft spot for him didn't you. He misses you too, you were like a Mum to him and he loved you as if you were.
Oh Mum, you would love our little house here in the country. We have worked so hard to establish a slower, more simple way of life. The garden is lovely and we have worked our socks off out there. We so wish you could see it and wander round looking at the plants I have picked to grow. And you would adore Bertha, our retro caravan.
I've got this blog Mum, it started as a place to collect our memories and to remember you, but it has become so much more and I've had some amazing opportunities, even a trip to the Czech Republic! I've made some lovely Friends through it, from all over the World, like minded people who love to write as much as me. Oh, and it's up for an award, I'm a finalist in the lifestyle category for the BritMums Brilliance in Blogging awards. How about that Mum, I can see you looking down and grinning. I hope you feel proud Mum.
Sometimes life is a bit lonely without you. I know I have Papa, he is my best Friend and I've got the Kids, but there is nothing like having you there to talk to, to ask advice and to wish me Happy Birthday or Merry Christmas. I wish I'd realised how much I used to rely on your advice. I wish I'd written more things down. I wish we had more time. I wish I'd told you how much I admire you and what an amazing inspiration you are to me. You were the kindest and the most honest & selfless person I have ever known. Getting your degree, renovating a house abroad and self building us a lovely home in East London, all as a single parent was a remarkable achievement. You never seemed to feel any fear, you just went for your dreams, full steam ahead. So, Whenever I get asked what woman inspires me, I proudly tell them, My Mum.
I love you Mum.
Always & Forever,
Your loving Daughter xxx