Wednesday, 19 June 2013

The Gallery - Dads

I wrote about my own Dad earlier in the week. He has been an absent Father since I was 17, when he re-married and forgot about his own Family. My Husbands Father is also no longer in our life, but that was our choice. He was a bully and would physically abuse Papa Syder when he was a child and a teenager. When we got married back in the late 1980's Papa Syders Dad asked him for forgiveness and seemed like he was full of remorse for the way he had treated him during his childhood.

For a few years the relationship was good, we had our three eldest children and we would often spend time with him and his wife, we even went on a Family holiday together. During that holiday our eldest was aged about five years old, he dropped his ice cream on the floor as we were walking back to our accommodation and proceeded to throw a massive tantrum. Our baby needed feeding, so Papa's Dad told us to go on ahead and he would deal with our little tantrum thrower. To be honest, I thought he was going to walk him back to the shop to buy him another ice cream, but I later discovered that he had pulled him along by his ear, so hard that it had bruised our Son's skin. I was furious as we do not smack or use any physical punishment. We decided that day, that we longer wanted Papa's Dad in our kids lives. We couldn't trust him. That was over fifteen years ago now and we haven't seen him since.

Papa Syder as a young Dad

Because of the way Papa's Dad treated him as a child, he is the complete opposite with his own. He is a kind, gentle, loving Dad to our four kids. In fact, I'd go as far as saying he is a bit of a push over.

Papa was only eighteen when I fell pregnant with our first baby, and even at that age he was a better Dad than lots of men in their forties. He shared all the night feeds, changed nappies, sat up all night with teething, spent hours rocking babies to sleep, helped potty train and generally shared all the parenting 50/50 with all four of our kids. He is as good as any Mum and you could confidently leave a new born baby with him all day long without worrying and still arrive home to a clean, tidy house and all the next day feeds made up.

Now our eldest child is a Dad and we have become Grandparents. It's a role Papa loves and our Granddaughter totally adores him. In fact, she told me that Grandad is her best Friend because he tells her stories about Scooby Doo and makes her laugh.


Papa with our eldest Child and our Granddaughter

We have moved on to our next generation and as I look back over my life as a parent with Papa, I could not have wished for a better Dad and Grandad for our kids. He isn't perfect and has made some mistakes (haven't we all) but he lives for his Family and makes sure we are all very well looked after. We all love him to bits.

Thanks Papa for all you do for us.


36 comments:

  1. Your OH sounds a fantastic Dad and role model had you both look like young energetic grandparents :)

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  2. Nearly made me cry this post... That last photo is just lovely! :) x

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  3. That is a lovely post. Papa Syder sounds like a wonderful man. xxx

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  4. Awww what a lovely post. My OH doesn't see his mum at all down to the way she treated him when he was younger. She's the one missing out due to the horrible person she is. Papa Syder looks and sounds like an incredible Dad and Grandad.

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    1. Thanks Laura, Sorry to hear that your OH also has an absent parent. It's so difficult if they mistreated you as a child to have a relationship as an adult. Its horrible to imagine our partners being hurt as children isnt it x

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  5. Fabulous post. Your husband sounds like an amazing man.

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  6. I think for the first 5 years I knew you two I never saw Papa without a baby in his arms! You certainly got yourself a good'un. xxx

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    1. I would never have coped as a young Mum without his constant support Lou, he has always been great with all the kids hasn't he x

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  7. A really beautiful post which once again resonates so deeply with me. We have also had to stop contact with a family member because of issues of trust around their abusive treatment of our children. It's an appalling thing to have to do. The hardest thing for me about it is often dealing with the reactions of other people. Well wishing friends who urge us to 'forgive and forget' or think that 'blood is thicker than water' - the fact that they haven't experienced anything like what we have never holds them back. The Loose Women battering on about how they had a tiff with one of their siblings/parents and it was all sorted out with some talking and a putting pride to one side. Hallmark cards suggesting there is nothing that watercoloured imagery of a sunset cannot fix. Old sayings are rolled out like dusty rugs and we're supposed to admire them and live by them, I think.

    The love in your family unit is palpable. Your pride is too. Very comforting and inspirational to those of us dealing with the emotional carnage created by people we should be able to trust the most.

    xxxxxxxx

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    1. I'm very relieved that we dont have any well meaning friends or family urging us to reunite, that would be very awkward. Hubbies Dad only talks to one other family member so it has been pretty easy for us not to be in any situations where we would feel that we have to talk to him.

      Really sorry to hear that you have a similar situation to us, it really is very sad. Thankyou for your lovely comment x

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  8. Lovely post, Papa Syder looks like a fab dad and grandad!

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  9. So lovely! I love the first picture..what memories that must be for you all.

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    1. Thanks, that photo makes me feel young again. Would love to have my eldest little like that again x

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  10. Papa Syder sounds like a wonderful man, friend, husband and (grand) father. He sounds like a very solid person with some very decent core values. Your posts always make me well up. There is so much love in your family. (and sometimes you just have to wave bye bye to toxic people in your life, even if they are family). XXX

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    1. Thanks. Its so painful when the toxic people are family members. Walking away then becomes more difficult but sometimes it just has to be done x

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  11. I dont see my biological dad for similar reasons. I think this tribute to your hubby is wonderful xxx

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    1. Really sorry to hear that Jaime. Its an awful situation to be in. Thanks for your comment x

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  12. Lovely post, and I just love that last photo x

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    1. Thankyou, Our 3 generations, its what life is all about isnt it x

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  13. Great post. Looks like he is a wonderful father and grandad. He looks very proud in that photo.

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  14. What a lovely post. So sorry that neither of your fathers are in your life, but Papa Syder sounds like the most amazing dad and grandad.

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  15. The love shining through your post made me smile. Your hubby sounds amazing. :o) xx

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  16. What a wonderful posts, I was a little worried as I clicked through the posts that I would be the only one who had not much positive to say for my father. Your husband has shown how you don't have to have a wonderful father to be a wonderful father or grandfather. Love this x

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    1. Thanks Gailann, Sorry to hear that your Dad isnt a positive figure in your life. Its so difficult isnt it x

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