|My Father, Me And My Little Brother|
Fathers Day is always a bittersweet day for me as I have a Husband who is a fantastic Dad to our four kids, but I have a Father who is a rubbish Dad. He is a man who has four kids and nine Grandchildren who he doesn't see and who he wouldn't even recognise if he past any of them in the street. He is a man who hasn't been in my life since I was seventeen, an age when I needed him the most and he just turned his back and walked away. Just like that, no explanations, no 'I'm Sorry's', nothing. He just left me and my younger Brothers without a Father so that he could raise another man's child. I guess four young children were too much for our new step-mother to cope with, and when push came to shove our Dad, who we all adored picked her and shoved us out the door.
It's funny because I never really felt angry about my Dad's strange decision, only a sadness that he had rejected us. It did really affect my self esteem and I often felt that I must be a horrible person if my own Dad didn't love me. It did cause me to go totally off the rails for a while. Luckily I met my Husband around this time and he pulled me up out of my rebellion. He changed my life and he has taken care of me ever since.
When I lost my Mum I suddenly became really angry with my Dad. I felt angry that he let her struggle to raise us kids on her own. I felt furious about the stress she felt to keep a decent roof over our heads, and he did nothing to help her as he drove around in his flash motors, enjoyed expensive hobbies and holidays. I felt like he had taken the complete and utter pee out of my Mum's kind, placid nature. And he isn't the only one. There are other people in the Family who I feel have let down my Mum, me and my Brothers. People I will struggle to ever forgive. More rejection. More hurt. It kind of leaves you feeling like very few people are genuine in this life. And I hate feeling like that. I guess when Family members let you down it hurts more than if a random stranger, or even a Friend does the same.
It sounds like I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself, but I'm not. I had a good, happy childhood with no abuse and I know some people suffer dreadfully during their childhoods, so I do count myself lucky. I remain a positive thinker and I now have a good life, a gentle life and as time goes by I become less annoyed with the people I no longer see and instead I feel pity for them. Pity because they must be unhappy with their decisions and they must feel guilt whenever they think of my loving, beautiful Mum and how badly they let her down. No-one is perfect and we all make mistakes, God I've made more than a few, but disloyalty is something I really struggle with. I just don't get it.
I guess all life experiences make us who we are and the negative things that happen to us can only make us stronger and more determined to become a better person and to live a happier life. Moving on can be a difficult journey, but once we take that first step it feels like a weight has been lifted. It enables you to become free. I feel like I'm well on my way to becoming free from negativity and the people who carry it.
How do you cope with negative situations?