Thursday, 3 May 2012

Toxic People And What To Do About Them


I've talked about toxic people before and how I struggle to mentally & physically cope with them in my life. I used to be an absolute magnet to them and I have had them pass through my life many times and in all forms. 

Do you know a particular person who always seems to leave you feeling drained, exhausted and just generally gloomy? These people often seem like they are just plain hard work and they tend to leave you with feelings of negativity, low self esteem, anxiety and even rejection. 

For me personally they make me feel totally crap about myself, how I live, how I think and how I do things. I made a pledge to myself about four years ago to dis-associate myself from anyone who makes me feel awful or leaves me with any emotion that drains me, particularly the emotion I dread the most - Rejection. Unfortunately a lot of the toxic people in my life have been family so this dis-association process that I have been through has left me in a position where I have very few personal friends & family. 


To be perfectly honest I do not feel sad about this, it does hurt though. It hurts that people I have spent my life loving can treat me so cruel, however after making the big decision to no longer tolerate any toxicity in my life I actually feel a huge relief. It's a bit like cleaning out your closet. You know how great it feels when you have a good clear out, well that's how it feels when you ditch all the soul suckers from your life, because that is exactly what toxic people are...soul suckers. They suck the life out of you and take you from feeling happy & high to low & lifeless. Its basically a transference method that these people use as they unload all their angry and negative energy onto you so that they can walk away feeling cheery & bright. They then continue their day in a much better mood while you end up feeling like a big bag of poo.


So if you have someone in your life who makes you feel like this, then walk away. I wont lie to you, it does hurt at first and you will miss the person because they did have a good side to them as well as the bad but sadly a toxic person's good side is always, always so overshadowed by their toxicity. At first their absence is really felt, almost like you grieve for the person and feelings of guilt appear because you think that you may have been a bit harsh by your decision to let go. These emotions do pass as you then begin to feel an overwhelming sense of emotional freedom.

I'm not a perfect person, far from it and I have my faults just like everyone else but I cherish the people I love and appreciate having them in my life and everything they do for me. I now only surround myself with people who treat me as an equal, people who love me for who I am, people who respect me and what I stand for, people who stand by their morals and show some loyalty towards me. I no longer have toxicity in my life and it feels good.



Does this sound at all familiar to you? Are you a magnet to toxic people?

8 comments:

  1. Agreed. I tend to think of it like Chemistry, as I refuse to believe that anyone is totally "bad". I myself have behaved in ways that I am not proud of when paired with certain people.(the toxic, compulsive-liar, belittling boyfriend which then made me a clingy, paranoid, dramatic and depressed girlfriend) I think that there are clashes and matches. Some relationships work, and some don't, no matter how hard you try. And sometimes the best thing is to walk away...so you can all be better for it.

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  2. Hi Katie, I so agree with you and I think you are so right about personality matches. Some people can encourage the best in us and others just bring out negative emotions. Toxic people are so complicated aren't they because they can be fun & charming as well as awful.

    For me, it's when it gets to a point in the relationship where the person seems to consistantly transfer negativity onto me that I decide to opt out. No matter how sad walking away feels, you are right that it is often for the better x

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  3. Oh yeah baby! What a timely post Mama. Sadly I was in a toxic relationship....with my husband! 13 years I put up with it. Now I've still got to see him because of the kids and he's being really nasty. I wish I didn't have to.

    Anne xx

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  4. This is an issue that I've had to deal with over the past couple of years. It involved letting go of certain family members and it hurt like hell, and only in the past few weeks I've come to terms and realised letting go was neccesary, if only to maintain my own sanity and wellbeing.

    Great blog, lily x

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  5. Good advice. Even in marriage, sadly

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  6. I know exactly where your coming from. We got dragged into the personal lives of our neighbours and the only way I can now deal with them is by cutting them off. I failed to see that while they were telling me their problems, they were taking bits i'd told them and twisting it and making up their own stories. People like this are draining, negative and at times dangerous. Your spot on with your advice.

    Ali xx

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  7. Hi I’m Nick
    I really like your blog, content is great ,very useful info,
    keep up the good work.
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    Add mine in your blogroll/links, if you like…!
    Take care
    Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  8. Some very good and valuable advice there. Sending you hugs, sounds like it wasn't easy for you xx

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