Sunday, 9 January 2011

The Teenager

Teenagers...I love em but you've got to admit they are a completely different species to us 'grown ups'!

I'm beginning to sound like my Mum, God bless her and have got to the age where I do & say all the stuff my Mum did & said that I swore I would never do!
I remember being fifteen and Mum coming out with comments like that. I'd think to myself "Oh Mum you are so old and fogey...get a life!" She was thirty five...Five years younger than I am now. I thought everything she said & did was just to get at me and to ruin my life.

Mum (age 35) - "Be in by 9 or I'll come out looking for you and drag you home by your hair if I have to!"

Me (age 15) - "Are you kidding???? Are you actually trying to wreck my life???? All my friends are allowed out until at least 12!" (Extreme exaggeration, but hey Mums are stupid aren't they?)

Dodgy Look in Mums eye, raised left eyebrow...Shes thinking about it while I'm praying "Please God let her believe my b***s***!" No such luck!

Mum (age 35) - "Don't argue with me...Be in by 9!"

She meant business and was actually raising her eyebrow in total disbelief that I would think for one minute she would believe that!

Enough said...I'd leave the house in a huff and of course come in late with attitude, stinking of fags and get grounded!

It was a constant battle in our house growing up and its one battle I don't have in mine...Thank God! They have all been pretty good with time keeping and I have rarely had to argue with them about what time to be in. I'm just lucky I guess or they are just much more like their Papa...Mr Sensible!

Having said that we do get the 'Teenage stroppiness' in our house....You know the type of strops like grunting in response to a question. These are questions that usually involve turning down the volume on the TV. The Grunt is accompanied by an eye roll making you feel like you are about 100yrs old! Of course they turn it down only to turn it back up as soon as you leave the room, thinking you wont notice!

Oh and they store washing...I only have one teen in my house at the moment but I swear she has enough clothes to cloth a hundred. I reckon I do at least three loads of washing per day...I'll wash and dry all day long, folding and putting away as I go, I'll collapse on the sofa in the evening with a smug look on my face "I'm so goddamn organised!" My bliss is short lived and I'm thrown back to reality with a loud "Mum can you wash these for tomorrow?" Aghhhh it has to be the biggest pile of washing I've ever seen in my life!
Why oh why do they store their washing...and where do they store it? The mind boggles.

Thing is you cant really complain about anything they do because they blackmail you with the hundreds of video's they have taken of you on their camera phones. They are not really texting their friends all night they are actually secretly recording you picking your nose, pulling out grey hairs, farting and singing when drunk. You Tube is a powerful weapon against the war on nagging parents...Hands down they win!

To be quite honest though we must be just as annoying to them. I know I irritate my fifteen year old...infact I think she honestly thinks I brought home the wrong baby from the hospital when she was born. Seriously...She cringes at everything I say and do, thing is I find it hilarious and try my best to annoy her even more.

The thing I like to do the most is sing along to chart music...this is often greeted with a disapproving look of disgust even more so if I dance along to it. Just remember though if you want to irritate your teen in this way never forget 'The mobile phone videoing blackmail' Any signs of pretend texting then abandon mission!

I also like to go into her room when she is out and open her curtains...She goes absolutely ballistic if I do this. She actually finds this very traumatic so I try not to do it too often for fear of causing far too much distress.

There are other things you can do to annoy The Teenager like upload photo's of when they are babies to facebook and let their mates Tag them. This is great Fun but be careful...remember what photo's they might have of you on their dreaded mobile phones! It could get messy.

Compliment them on any new items of clothing asking "I wonder if New Look do that in my size?" The look of horror on their face is most satisfying.

Constantly tell them you wasn't born this age!

I must say jokes aside, I do really love teenagers. They are Fun, witty, adorable and when they leave home you sure miss them! Who'd be without them...Not Me! Enjoy your little Darlings while you still can!


  1. mine have all gone now, and I can remember them with fondness, and forget the drunken crawling home at 3.30, and the having to strip and wash sick-coated bedding, parties where the baby tomatoes get used as ammunition and end up all over the walls, ceilings and carpets, constant taxiing everywhere and all the other stuff the later teenage years entail. my 20 year-old "baby" is almost human again!
    that said, there were lots of good times too.
    joy xx

  2. Oh, Em, this is so funny! Welcome to my life! xxx

  3. OK, I just hve to say that I LOVE that picture



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