Monday, 20 December 2010

Healing - Reverb10

Mum & Dad

December 19 - Healing

What has healed you this year? Was it sudden or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?(author: Leonie Allen)

Apart from the grief of losing Mum feeling a little less raw this year I also feel totally and utterly healed from the years of rejection from my Dad. I actually no longer feel anything for him after spending sooooo many years craving his love and acknowledgment.

Mum and Dad divorced in 1981...I was 11. It was a shock to me and my brothers. We did not see it coming as they never argued or fought in front of us. We just woke up one morning to our wonderful Dad walking out the front door with his suitcase. We went from seeing our Dad everyday to not seeing him for weeks at a time. We were confused and didn't understand what was happening.

Mum sold the house that they had built together and moved us to another part of town into a teeny weeny two bedroom house. Dad bought a house literally 5 min walk from us...We assumed to be close to us kids. We were wrong.

Dad was unreliable...
He paid no maintenance to Mum and rarely he remembered to collect us at weekends. Me and My brothers would sit at the window and cry because he didnt show...week after week, year after year. When he did turn up our time with him was and exciting. Dad had fast cars, speedboats, motorbikes...He was creative, and made stuff. He encouraged my creativity and talked to me about attending fashion school. He was perfect and cool, which only made it harder for us when he continually let us down.

He remarried in 1986 to a woman who had four kids of her own. She did not want us part of their life and pushed us out. She told lies about us and said spiteful things to us behind Dads back...even telling my brother she wished he was dead. We were afraid of her nastiness as we had never experienced behaviour from an adult like that before.

We gradually saw Dad less and less until contact become non existant.
I went to him when I was due to get married and asked him to walk me down the aisle and give me away. It didn't enter my head he would refuse...His excuse was he didn't want to enter a Mormon church. It was a lame excuse and I cried in so much pain as I left his house and walked back to my Mum's.
I am lucky I had such a fabulous Mum who was both a Mum & Dad to us kids. She gave us security and a loving home. She gave us a happy childhood.
I had it good and soooo many people out there can't say the same about their childhoods. I am grateful for that but it still didn't stop Dads rejection hurting. It was emotional abuse.

I've tried many times over the years to have a relationship with him but it was pointless. He doesnt know any of his beautiful Grandchildren...We are strangers to him. He just doesn't love his children and I have finally accepted that this year. It no longer hurts and I no longer feel any love for him. I pity him and his weaknesses. I am healed because I no longer crave my Dads Love.
This post is part of Reverb10


  1. well told, emma. I had an extremely happy childhood with both mum and dad, so I can feel your pain at not having your dad's love. so pleased to hear that after so many years you are now healed, and can give your love and attention to those who deserve it.
    joy xx

  2. Thankyou Joy for your lovely comment...much appreciated...Love & hugs to you xxxx



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