Sunday, 12 December 2010

Body Integration - Reverb 10

December 12 – Body Integration - This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present? (Author: Patrick Reynolds)

This year I haven't once felt at all integrated with my body. My mind and my body are strangers.
I have gained soooo much weight over the past 4 yrs that I feel like someone has taken over my body.
Not sure why exactly...
I think maybe it was grief.
In the past whenever I was stressed or hurting I would lose my appetite...Losing Mum is definately the most stressful thing I have ever been through un yet it has had the opposite affect.
I have began comfort eating...Something I've never done before.

I hate it...hate it....hate it!

I look in the mirror and barely recognise myself.
I have a bottom drawer with old clothes...size 10's & 12's...You know the stuff like my favourite jeans, little skirt, tiny tee...just incase one day they will fit again.

It gets me down so much that I rarely bother with image anymore.
I used to blow dry my hair most days, paint my nails every night, work out every day, make an effort with my appearance...
Now...
I feel like a complete slob!

This has to change.
I have no energy...
I ache...
all over...
I feel unwell...a lot.
Everything feels like such an effort.
I know its my weight because I never felt like this in my slimmer days...
I just do not carry my fat well.

Things have to change.
I need to get fit & healthy again.

I need to feel me again.

Pop along to Reverb10 and join in!

2 comments:

  1. I can totally relate with what you wrote. I'm not sure I've ever felt mind and body totally integrated. I also carry too much extra weight, and I think I'm usually aware of it. It's so easy to let things go...and I know you have a lot of things that are on your mind (and with the loss of your mum). I try to remind myself that I will feel better if I do my hair or put a little makeup on, or get dressed in something that makes me feel good. Sometimes it can be just a small change to help alter emotions. I'm so thankful for my online friends I've met, like you. I'll be thinking of you this holiday season.

    Jainnie xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thankyou so much Jainnie, The feeling is very mutual...I also have really connected with some lovely online friends like yourself.
    Love & Hugs xxx

    ReplyDelete

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