Friday, 19 March 2010

Writers workshop - My Marriage





Today's Blog post is part of Mamakats writers workshop I'm late with it again this week...really hope thats ok.
The Prompt I picked is

4.) Describe how your relationship with your spouse is different then the relationship your parents had while you were growing up.

I've been married to Papa Syder for 21 yrs this year. We were teenage sweethearts. I was a complete rebel...Wild, Angry and defiant. He didn't party, he was quiet, gentle and helped his Mum (which as a mum of teenage boys I know this is a very unusual trait indeed).
He was who I was looking for... The One.

My Marriage has been so so different from my own parents. They divorced after 12yrs of Marriage. We have nearly divorced ourselves and separated for a year when My Mum passed away...it hasn't been all plain sailing.


In our younger years we fought like cat & dog but looking back I think it was our opposite personalities that caused most of our outbursts. I often felt restrained and controlled by the confines of motherhood and marriage and I guess Papa would feel frustrated and hurt that I felt like that. It caused lots of insecurities. We loved each other with a passion and we still do... to the point of obsession I think. We are rarely apart.

People would tell us our obsessive love is unhealthy and we wouldn't last but we have lasted the distance. We fought for each other and we have won. We are now at a place in our relationship that makes all the hurts in the past forgotten. We have such a calm respect for each other now.
We bicker sometimes but we have learnt that we were made for each other and if soul mates exist that we have found ours in each other.
Sounds cheesy right? Yeah I know it does but I think we deserve it. We have worked extremely hard emotionally to have reached this point. We have jumped hurdles that a lot of couples fall at. It has not been easy.

My parents relationship was very different. Dad was a bit old school...Only ever changed a nappy once and then he left it in the bath because he was scared to pick it up, lol. He wasn't at any of our births...in fact I think he was down the pub when I was born. He is a workaholic and would much rather work than spend time with his family, which I know some people would find admirable and I can hear you saying now "Hey don't knock the man for trying to provide for his family!"

But all he was providing us with was his expensive taste in cars and hobbies...and a lonely Mother. Material things were very important to My father...especially tools and gadgets. Mum would constantly fight him for mortgage and utility monies. He wasn't all bad...Not to us kids (Later That did change) To us he was God but as a husband he was neglectful.

I guess that's why I myself opted for a husband who was completely opposite to my father. I actually did it without realising. We have never really had much money but we have had lots of quality time together as a family. That's more important to us than anything money can buy.

4 comments:

  1. How lovely. I am lucky to have a (nearly) husband who I get to share quality time and lots of laughter and happiness with too. We don't have much money but I think it's true that all you really need is love and as long as you have that you can get through anything together.

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  2. Hi Lucia, Very true...especially the laughter. To Me My hubby is the funniest person I know and he often says the same about me...I think its probally a big part of what keeps us happy together x

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  3. I hope you're husbands reads this as it a lovely tribute to the marriage you have created, and maintained. Marriage is certainly a hard thing as people are constantly changing. Like you, I've been with my DH since we were young (met at 13yrs, married at 21) and we've changed an awful LOT - but luckily in pretty much the same direction.
    Definitely spending time together as a family is way more important than money to spend on luxuries :-).

    Libby

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  4. Such a great post! You have much to be thankful for in our day and age. You are right that a good marriage takes lots of work but it is worth keeping.

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